I still find it REALLY hard to realize Taylor’s gone.  I keep wishing its all a nightmare.  Certain things always remind me of him. 

The way he went was impossibly hard for me to face.  I was suicidal for a long time, and I remember him always being there, telling me I’d be ok, always trying to help out.  It never really made the pain go away, but it helped.  I used to cut, I probably have close to 50 scars from it.

It started in seventh grade. I’d come to school, and I’d just want to die…but I always went to school because it was my only escape from my mom, who, at the time, was a hard core alcoholic.  I’d dread going to school, though, too, because I felt alone.  By sixth period, I didn’t think I had anymore energy left, but Taylor always seemed to find a way to cheer me up.

Two months into eighth grade, I moved out.  Well, my parents kicked me out and sent me to live with my grandparents. At first, I kept imagining Taylor everywhere, and I talked to him online all the time, it was one of the very few things that kept me going. Taylor started calling me while I lived in Granite Falls.  The calls would always cheer me up.  He would call, and if my Grams would answer the phone, he would flirt with her then talk to me.  He was strange…and so amazingly awesome.

This year, I moved back to Anacortes (for the second time) and Taylor was in my biology class.  He was still the same Taylor. I remember the last time I got mad at him…he was joking about cutting my hair…I flipped. I hate that I did that. Then, during second sememster, my friend Sarah started dating Kevin…so I ended up seeing him every morning, and some of my friends would bitch…and I  just ignored it. Now I just get pissed off that I didn’t say anything. The Friday before he killed himself, my last thought about him was “wow, after all of this, he’s still my friend.”

I know that if it weren’t for Taylor, I wouldn’t be here.  He saved me, I just wish he would have been able to do the same for himself.  When people try to commit suicide, they just think the world is better off…Taylor taught me a lesson, though. You just hurt people who really care, even people you really didn’t think did.  He’s a real hero in my heart, one that I will forever love and forever miss.

Amanda B.