I have urged her to keep a dream journal. I wish I have kept up on it too…. but this is from this morning. Poor baby girl has been through so much. I do believe Taylor comes to her this way… to us. Not very often but when it happens, there is no doubt, especially to Jaz. She knows.

“at grandma/papa’s house, doug was about to come over to talk to grandma and papa and he couldn’t know we were there so grandma rushed me and erik into the bedroom (grandma’s) and i don’t know where moma went but me and erik were in there and we had to be quiet and duck down if people came by the window. later, two people came by the window (i did’nt know them), a lady and a man, and the lady saw me. she called my name and i sat up because i knew she already saw me. then we ‘appear’ outside & the lady gets in a fight with someone, i don’t remember, and starts shooting at them with a paintball gun or something. then we (me, erik, moma, maybe grandma/papa, & apparently taylor) go inside through the back door (the layout is a little different) and sit down.

grandma says, “doug, now niccole’s going to talk to you.” and moma said, “oh yeah, i wanna hear this.” moma’s sitting on the floor by the couch (to my left) and taylor is sitting by her, in front of me. then, it hits me, taylor’s dead. he looked so stressed because of doug, he was sitting on his knees and running his fingers through his hair while sighing. i then walked towards him, tearing up, with my arms held out because i wanted to hug him. we both (or just me) start crying hard and the look on his face before he hugged me, a look with so much care and concern, just kills me that i won’t be able to see that face again. we hugged really tight and i kinda had a flashback thing, i don’t really remember. i never really hugged taylor when he was alive. but this, was so enjoyable that i can’t even really think of a word for it.

then the dream ended, i woke up and started to cry.

i love you taylor, always.
-jazzy”