So I survived through my birthday at the end of September with tornados of thoughts going through my weary head about Taylor. How am I going to get through every month, week, day, and HOUR for the next however many years that I’m going to be alive. I still can’t grasp the fact that at only 34 years old, I found my son, my life, on the floor like that completely lifeless. I’m now 36 and I have a long way to go. It never leaves me. It only seems to get more vivid. My good memories, which I cherish, come more frequently and clear. The memories of that day seem to be easier to “manage” or “repress” but this is a journey that is an every day painful challenge that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Jazmin is the inspiration of my existance at this point. She has learned so much at the tender age of 11 than most people learn and experience in their entire lifetimes. Both of us have. We have been enjoying every single weekend together and the transition went very well. Todd doesn’t seem to mind the drive so much anymore and I finally aquired a new safe vehicle that I Prayed so hard for since school started.

I picked the car out, made the call, laid out the “rules”, went to test drive it, and had a money order ready to hand over in exchange for the keys the following morning. Yes, females can get decent deals on cars too! The experience was very empowering. I was so blessed to have received a second check for back pay from social security in a very large amount. Just the amount I needed to buy a car that can safely get me to my daughter and back plus a few odds and ends for the household. Me and Jazmin were so excited to finally go drive around and experience the area we now live in without worrying about the tires blowing out or God knows what else with all the vandalism my other car had gone through.

Finally, karma was working on our side. We had been victims so much sabotage, cruelty, selfishness, confusion and fear. It was now starting to disappear. The more we prayed and the more we loved and counted on each other, the more abundance we were experiencing in every sense of the word. We finally got to eat italian food… IN A RESTAURANT! That is one of the things her and I love to do more than anything in the world. We love to enjoy a nice meal out, people watch, relax, and talk. We hadn’t been able to do anything of the sort for months.

On a side note, my girlfriend back home had text messaged me sometime in August. She told me that she looked at D’s myspace account and he had labeled his status “in a relationship” along with a profile of a girl (with a mohawk, not that I’m judging. I just find it amusing) in his #1 spot on his page. Any myspace users know what that means. It means they’re “doin it” or “boyfriend/girlfriend” or whatever. I certainly wasn’t jealous but the timing was pretty ironic. All the attempts to keep me the heck away from Anacortes or to just get me locked up for a long time all made sense now…. sort of. I hope it was worth it! The damage that was caused over a myspace affair was very sad for my daughter and very typical in my world when it came to D.

D had repeatedly been dishonest and sneaky when it came to the myspace with other females in very inappropriate ways ever since we had moved in together. He repeated those habits throughout the months I was grieving so heavily. It’s just one of those things, I guess. He’s a very disloyal person. But, the funny part is, within a couple weeks my girlfriend told me that he was all of a sudden “single” again and the girl was not on his #1 spot anymore. Like I said before… I hope it was all worth it! Wow! So my guess is, he either yelled at her mother, abused her housepets, or disrespected her children. Glad those clippers didn’t shave off her brain cells. Sounds like she did the right thing and did it early, not later. Again, karma works out just the way it should sometimes.

So, back to October, and me and Jaz have a new car. I let my car loan place come and repo my car. That was a big relief off of everyone. They had been calling everyone and their dog all over the place including Todd’s entire family. It was terrible and they were really getting nasty and rude. But no one knew where I was. They weren’t lying. Tow truck was her within the hour. I didn’t even go outside to say goodbye to my “grief mobile”. Bye bye car. Hello peace.

Me and Jazmin survived Halloween here in the new area. We had a great time carving pumpkins with a few new friends that I met here and we spent Halloween night at a community party. We didn’t stay too long, but we went through the motions and had a very nice time. We ended the night with some great food at a local restaurant. I gave Jaz the grand finale after a nice day with one of my clumsy stunts. I was cutting a tomato and, yep, you guessed it. I cut my finger and blood was squirting everywhere. Jaz just shakes her head and rolls her eyes anymore. LOL… “oh mama”, she says with a sigh.

Now that things had become very stable here, I was able to get back on task with other things too. I started work again, even though I don’t need to. I’m with a company that I was with several years ago. They always treated me very respectfully and have been absolutely great. My coworker, Charlie, and I have been like two peas in a pod since the day we met. We always have clicked. We caught up on the phone with everything that had happened and they’ve been very gentle with me and very little pressure. It’s kinda like part time to see if this is really what I want to do as of yet. So far so good…

On that note, I am starting to believe that there is a divine reason why I accidentally got into the internet business so long ago. I have alot of contacts and resources, and many friends in high places. I made a decision on October 30th to send an email to Tina Meier, Megan Meiers mom. I had been to her site, http://meganmeierfoundation.org/ and it just felt like the right time to reach out. I figured that she would be far too busy to get back with me as she is traveling around the country speaking out in regards to cyberbullying. Tina has been putting her all into this cause, one that only since April, has hit so close to home for me. I prayed she would write me back….

She wrote me back…. twice!

To be continued….