She sent this to me today over myspace. I remember this. Wow how far we’ve come and how bad it all still hurt. She’s in charge of a memorial spread in the yearbook for this years senior class. She said’ it’s done. I’m trying to sucker her into letting me see it. I am mentally preparing. I can’t even imagine going to graduation this year and seeing all of Taylors classmates grown up and graduating. I will do the best I can. We will be there to cheer on Tyler and the rest of Taylors friends. Anyways, she found this and I know it brings back so much of the shock of those first few days. It’s still so surreal.

From: ashleejay. [relapse] (14704805)
To: (0)
Date: Feb 12, 2009 4:30 PM
Subject: look what i found. :’( i fucking hate this.

hereos die first.

i miss you babe.

My Biggest Hero Everrrr.

TaylorMartinMcLaughlin

“And I leave you all with these final
words ‘Like a wolf among sheep, I am a
beast in flesh, walking upright among
men.
‘”
-taylor.

Rest In Peace baby, I love you.

June 28th, 1990 - May 21st, 2007

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother;for those were some of the best times of my life.

I’ve tried to accept the fact that he’s gone. But I’m still in shock. He was the most amazing boy I have ever met. I was insanely in love with him for three years and hopefully he felt the same way towards me. Saturday, he became more than just the guy I was in love with, he became the guy I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. The day I got the news, I couldn’t believe it, I truthfully didn’t want to. Then again, I don’t think anyone did. I was in complete shock. I couldn’t think of what to do with myself. I had just talked to him the day before and he wasn’t in the best of moods, but he still didn’t seem like he was gonna do what he did. It’s tragic, the way we lost him. He was well loved. Someone lost a homecoming date, a sibling, a best friend, an aquaintance, a partner in class, an entertainer, an advice giver, a person to just chill with, a lover, a class mate, etc. the day he died. He’s in a better place now and I hope he’s happier there then he was here. What happened was completely unexpected from him. He seemed completely happy.

He was the only person who got me to say words I thought I would never say to someone. He was the guy that made me smile no matter what mood I was in. He could make anyone laugh no matter what. He made a girl feel like she was the most gorgeous thing that walked on this planet. I’ll miss the way he’d scare the shit outta me and just make fun of me afterwards. I’ll miss the gay names he called me. I’ll miss the way he looked at me when he knew I was lying to him about something stupid, I’ll miss the way he would stand oddly close to me and breathe on the back of my neck, I’ll miss the way he would be so sly about telling me he loved me, I’ll miss the smile he got when he was up to nothing good, I’ll miss the ways he told me loved me, I’ll miss our late night phone calls and just listening to him talk about the oddest things. His dream, was to be a hero and a dad. Well he’s my biggest hero and I hope he knows that. He didn’t last to be the dad part, but I know if he did, he would’ve been the most amazing dad ever. I’ll miss the way he looked at me with the most amazing blue eyes I’ve ever seen. I’ll miss his laughter around me. I’ll miss his voice. I’ll miss the feeling that I used to hate so much everytime I saw him. I’ll miss every single little thing. Even those gay sideburns he shaved off. Some people know how I felt about him, and they know he was my world, my EVERYTHING. Without him here, I feel completely useless. I don’t care about my appearance, I can’t get myself to want to go to school, I can’t laugh about things I used to laugh about. I can’t really do anything without him, it all reminds me of him. If you go around and ask people about him, you would know how great of a person he was, even though he was a bit perverted. You could ask any girl that too. Atleast every other word that came out of his mouth had to do with sex. He was my first everything, including my first love. And I will love him no matter what. Forever. I wish I could explain how I really felt about him. But it’s impossible to put in words. I wish I could just have told him how I felt the day I wanted to. I wish I would’ve been around when he called. I wish he just would’nt have done what he did.

My heart especially goes out to his mom, Niccole. Who happens to be extremly strong and completely amazing. I don’t think I know anyone that could handle what’s going on, as well as she is. I admire her for that. Even though I just met her today, and talked to her about everything, I love her to death. She brought the most amazing boy into this world and I do owe her for that.

I hope he rests in peace and I’ll miss him sooo much. I already do and it’s been two days. I love you Taylor Martin McLaughlin. You were my one and only. I will never forget you and you were and still are, extremely amazing. You will forever own my heart.